There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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