So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My vagina is officially offended.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
