I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
