Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
