I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
