I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
