took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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