She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
