True but thats because hes a fetus.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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