after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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