My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
