Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
