dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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