My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
