Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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