The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
