There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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