If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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