We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize