I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
