what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
