It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This is the high leading the old right now
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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