I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I want to fling myself into the sun
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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