By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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