so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
