would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize