dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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