YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you inspire me to be a worse person
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
