WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize