threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
