My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
