He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
