Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
