what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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