I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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