I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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