is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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