He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
