Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
