this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
