It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
