don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm at about main and main street
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
