There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
