I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
