I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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