so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
