she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
