My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
