Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
