The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
