I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
