I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
