I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize