Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You pole danced in your parka.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
