My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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