she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i would punch a child for taco bell
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
