it hurts more in the daytime
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize