did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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