I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
