Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
