How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
