Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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