I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
