i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
