My nipple is on Facebook.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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