You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
