So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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