I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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