Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
