Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
