somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
