Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
