I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
