I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
