drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
