Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
