Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
