i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
