Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
