I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
