I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
