Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
