meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
