why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
