We're facebook friends in real life
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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