come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
