i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
