C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
