I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
