When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize