i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
