i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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