he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
