I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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