i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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