Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
