my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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